Totally on Top: ANTM's Whitney! Yay!
So, I’m nearly 48 hours late on this one, but the joy is just as immediate as it was Wednesday night when full-figured Floridian (Whoo, Florida!) Whitney was crowned America’s Next Face to soon only be seen in those cheap and annoying “My Life as a Cover Girl” spots. Still, it was an overall victory for girls everywhere that like to both ingest and digest food. Or so Mamma Banks and her merry crew would like you to believe. More on that later…
As Cycle 10 neared its end, I tried to hold back the tears. But why should I, when the models themselves were weeping? Anya’s quiet, possibly extraterrestrial tears trickled down her albino cheeks. It’s impossible not to grativate towards her sweet, alien being.
The elimination that would reveal the final two focused on the outcome of the Cover Girl commercial/photoshoot challenge. Fatima recited her lines like the most gorgeous automaton ever created but delivered a photo that had her eyes watching God. The judges found fault with this, which led Tyra to dispense some idiotic advice on how to properly grin with your eyes by squinting but keeping them open. It’d been so long since we had witnessed these visual pearls of wisdom!
Whitney toned down her prom queen mannerisms in her commercial and provided a photo that was wide-eyed and retro and near perfection. Still, the judges thought she was “holding back” because of being beaten down from an early age for being of average build. Mamma Banks demanded nothing less than waterworks by coaxing Whitney into showing her “true self” which translates into a blubbering, blonde and beautiful mess. ANTM’s audience thrives on hot messes especially those who overcome any sort of adversity to show the world how drop-dead gorgeous they really are. Hey, this show isn’t just about knowing how to laugh with your eyelids. It’s about relating a powerful message.
Anya, our Tower of Babel on heels couldn’t seem to get a grasp on the English language but the wind tousled her hair effectively and she smiled that coy, nymphish Cover Girl smile. The judges seemed to think this enough. And let’s face it, it is. A model’s job is to let the “pretty” distract us from everything else, including an accent that can’t be placed anywhere on a map. Anya does a pretty good job of this.
Fatima was sent home because Tyra had tired of advocating African refugee rights and wanted to focus on championing her pet cause: women with booty. So we were left with the second coming of Powder and the plus-sized pretty. The two girls battled out in a VERSACE!!! fashion show that featured shirtless man models but no Donatella! Even though the show’s budget allowed for the models to showcase a REAL designer’s clothes, the producers still cheapened the moment by not letting audience bask in the dorito-hue divafied hot mess that is Donatella. How can you have a Versace show without Miss Versace herself?
Whitney worked it with all her va-va-voom while Anya’s walk was more ho-hum than out-of-this-world. After all the judges carping this season about Whitney’s fake personality and Miss America dramatics, they crowned her the winner. She then gave some teary-eyed interview worthy of a pageant show about how she had been teased for her size and how this was a triumph for women everywhere. While this is more or less true and I applauded this show’s satisfying and guilt-free ending, it was then revealed by the fab FourFour that Whitney might have been more of a fake than the judges were letting on. Apparently, she didn’t even try out but rather was approached by the producers and asked to gain more weight in order to enter the Top 3 as a curvy girl that breaks the mold and shatters those suppositions about the insidious and manipulative images manufactured by the fashion world/modelling industry. With this news coming to light, FAT CHANCE.