No Longer on Top: ANTM's Lauren
Oh, Lauren: so awkward, so edgy, so gorgeous, and so very GONE. I thought that she would eventually pull through, drop the Andre the Giant gait, and win this thang! Sadly, she lumbered and nervously ticked her way through the Cover Girl commercial segment. It was like watching Lurch pretend to be Isabella Rosselini.
Almost all the girls were just as horrendous whether they were butchering the Italian language or severely overacting. Only Katarzyna (who resembles Juliette Binoche more and more, does she not?) and Fatima played the part of Italian ingenue at all convincingly. Even though the commercial was hawking some gaudy vino-colored lipstick, I was more in love with the animal print dresses and magenta accessories the girls wore than anything else. They had more personality than their owners. It was like Sophia Loren meets Peg Bundy in haute couture bliss.
When in Rome…you must be fresh, skinny, and blonde. That’s what we’ve all learned based on the models’ meeting with some famous Italian designer. He only had eyes for Anya: beady, lecherous eyes that bleed at the sight of anything over 18 and a size 2. His condescending remarks about Whitney being able to get by with her pretty face were priceless.
Besides the departure of Lauren, this episode took a long gondola ride through Dullsville. The only fierce moment was when Juliette…Katarzyna once again corrected Tyra on the pronounciation of her name. I want to see more of her Eastern European insolence! Oh, and Miss J once again proved that he needs his own show when he said that he still thought Dominique “was a brother”. Seriously, the man is a camp genius.