For Your Pleasure

29th October 2010

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Next week Christmas comes early for me! This book promises to be this fall’s answer to Kelly Cutrone’s If You Have to Cry, Go Outside. 

I know everyone is all about Family Ties’ Mallory and her clothes, but Brenda Walsh is where it’s at for me in terms of sartorial choices. She had a flair for the dramatic and a penchant for oversized blazers, henna-hued eyebrows, and troubled surfer boyfriends with ripples in their forehead. She wore dopey velvet hats and didn’t even flinch when wheat-tressed Cali goddess, Kelly Taylor, dismissed her latest ensemble as “hippie witch”. Instead, she slammed her locker with a raising of a heavily penciled brow and retorted through a flesh-toned blob of lipstick, “It’s not hippie witch, it’s Twin Peaks and it’s very in”. This Midwestern bombshell recognized the cutting edge in fashion before her peers, the ones planning daily excursions to the tony boutiques of Wilshire Boulevard. She was a brassy iconoclast. And like Shannen Doherty, she also had a reputation for being a sullen, insufferable bitch.

Honestly, I don’t know that much about Doherty. She’s a Republican. She used to stalk Eddie Vedder. She loves animals. She has embarrassing taste in men. But I like how controversy wafts around her like an eau de toilette. I gravitate towards the brash and the outspoken—the kind of second-class celebrity that has the verve to write a book that presumably dispenses advice on how to model one’s life after hers and then shamelessly entitles this collection of self-aggrandizing anecdotes, masking as self-help hooey, Badass.

Something tells me that Mallory Keaton would never dare do such a thing. In fact, the puff-sleeved princess wouldn’t lay one french-manicured finger on it. If she found herself in possession of a copy, she would quickly pass it on to Alex P., who might have an interest because of Doherty’s right-wing affiliations.

Justine Bateman, though, she’s the real badass in this whole scenario. She doesn’t have to write a book about herself because she lives the tale—one long, low-key narrative of uber-cool. And…she’s BFF with Kelly Cutrone.